A note for attendees of the pity party

At some point in my life I decided that self-destruction was the way to success. I would show everyone how powerful I was by hurting myself. By starving myself, by exercising until I couldn't move, by cutting and by tearing myself down. It felt like power because it wasn't ordinary. Because most people don't do these things to themselves. It is human nature to avoid suffering but I do not want to be a mere human. But after years of this power struggle I am finally realizing that my plan is completely illogical. Self-destruction is not seen as admirable or powerful. In fact, from the outside, it probably looks like failure and incompetency. The world does not see the hours spent in treatment or the gym. The nights spent binging and the painful repercussions of treating my body so horribly. The world sees a girl who skips work and cancels plans. A girl who is boring and guarded. This is not you. You are a girl who loves meeting new people, who comes alive in the presence of kids. You are the girl that loves to exercise and be strong. You are motivated, dependable, and hard working. If you want to show the world that you are not ordinary, self-destruction is not the route you want to take.  Show the world how you can have a job and show up every fucking day, show them how you can work and go to school and volunteer. It will be hard but it is your dream and so it is worth it. Show them how you have completely turned your life around. Power is overcoming the darkest times in your life. Power is not hiding in the dark and slowly destroying yourself. Self-destruction is the easy way out. You never take the easy way out. Ever.