A Different Approach

Today I bought an online nutrition and training program through Sarah Bakian.  It is a 6 week program with a  meal plan, lifting exercises, and a cardio plan.  Financially savvy decision?  At $200, absolutely not.  But at this point I am willing to do anything to help myself overcome my unhealthy cycle of eating and the self-hate that comes with it.  My mom does not understand why I would spend so much money on this, however, I do believe that she would pay that much for a therapist.  I have done the therapy and the meal plans with ED nutritionists.  I've sat in groups with other self-destructive girls and talked about how I feel and why I feel and How to deal with the feelings.  There's been a lot of talking and not a lot of action.  So this time I seek something that I believe will help me.  Nothing else in my life matters as much as this.  Nothing will get done, no adventures will be had until I can accept and manage my body and health.  There are so many ways in which this disease can kill me and I have no doubt that it will if I do not make every effort to kill it first.  I feel a bit unsupported but I don't think that really matters any more.  Taking my life into my own hands is scary but it is also brave.