I have recently decided to take a break from distance running to explore weight lifting and HIIT more. Initially, this was really sad for me. Just like trying to let go of my ED, I felt like I would lose a part of my identity. The past few months, however, I have not identified with running. I have hated it, dreaded it, even. Don't get me wrong, running has taught me so much about myself and has led me on more adventures than I would have ever dreamed of. It has also been about breaking myself down, wearing myself thin, and just plain hurting. I would long for the empty feeling after a long run. The complete exhaustion and even the pain. Maybe it carried a little bit of self-harm with it. A punishment for my 'sins' of eating, or wanting, or loving. Weightlifting, in my mind, has a totally different drive behind it. It is about building your body rather than breaking it down. It's about strength, and power, and treating your body like a piece of art rather than a piece of trash.
This decision to change has also brought on a lot of motivation to change my diet and to fuel my body better. I'm tired of being tired and feeling weak. I want to be strong. I will be strong.
It is so easy to convince yourself that you are stuck. You actually believe that you cannot change. This is ridiculous. Your life is in your control. Take it, seize every opportunity and make your own path to happiness. No one else can do it for you.
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